had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
