Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
