Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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