Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize