We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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