I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
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