it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
