tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
