put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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