There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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