we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
