i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
