So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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