Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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