I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
