She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
