where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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