I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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