i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
