yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
