How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
