Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
