Im at strip club and am horny
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Randomize
