There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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