life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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