is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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