I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
