Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
