Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
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