Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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