I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
