I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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