HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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