Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
