He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
