It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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