I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
