Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
