I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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