saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You may now shotgun with the bride
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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