I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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