I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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