I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
