That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
last night I used snow as a chaser
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
