yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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