The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
