I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
