dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
