i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
