Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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