At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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