Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
