You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
