is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
