I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
