Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
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