Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I understand Curling. That high.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
