you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
this just has baby written all over it
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I am mentally ready for anal.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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