You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
