Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
