Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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