So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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