that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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