I want to walk on stilts...naked
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
