In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
