great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize