either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
