My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
