Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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