I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize