Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
