Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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