I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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