I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
