i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize