went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
