I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
