no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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