i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
