I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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