do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
