I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
