I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
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