Don't make out with my wife yet
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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