ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
