i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
