fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
