Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
