Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
