My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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