Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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