True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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