NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
