You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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