Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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