Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize