you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
