Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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