i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I think I died a long time ago.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
