Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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